I seem to swing to extremes... I can either be an incredibly patient person, or an incredibly impatient person - and that particular week - I was definately the latter - My patience was tested + stretched far beyond its limits. Waiting waiting waiting... and waiting for results that could either be wonderful, or devastating... It was an excrutiating wait.
Somebody told me that those fears that I went to was like a little "preparation" drill for parenthood! Im told that you often feel just as "on edge" and paranoid once the little bundle is here, which - I guess I can probably imagine being the case! Wow, what a ride we are in for!!!
So anyways... here is the story of that eventful week...
Sunday night, I discovered some spotting. Now, this sent me into an instant panic - as the sight of blood, no matter how light during pregnancy - is definately something you do NOT want to see + something that I was completely unprepared for. The fact that, since I had been pregnant I had experienced cramping - which I had researched + found that this was completely normal - just the feeling of having all your bits n' pieces stretching + preparing itself to house the little bundle of joy - but what i ALSO had read, was that cramping was not something to be concerned about - unless it was paired with spotting
So, straight to the clinic we went... the tears refused to hold themselves back + I almost had to chew my entire bottom lip off to keep myself from completely losing it right there in the waiting room. I couldnt even look at Rob whislt sitting there, as I jsut knew that I wouldnt be able to hold the emotions back + as it was, the snotty chick at the desk was giving me odd looks :(
So we saw the doctor + explained the situation. He told us that if we wanted to, that we could have an ultrasound done to see what was causing it, but that he didnt think it was anything to be too concerned with at this point. Well, I opted to get the scan done. I honestly dont think I could have managed not knowing what was going on inside any longer than I already had - So he gave me a referral letter + I organised an appointment at the hospital for the next day.
I took the day off work to get an appointment as early as I could... I knew I wouldnt be much use at work with my mind in a completely different space + just wanted to know what the "go" was asap.
So I go in for the ultrasound... which I had + then I also had an internal ultrasound... mmmm yup hehe! Actually, it wasnt as awkward + uncomfie as I would have thought - although perhaps I was just numb with fear?! SO anyways the guy soing the scan was really nice + explained what everything was... he found where the bleeding was coming from + showed us on the screen. He told us that it was only a small haemorrage + that they were quite common in early stages of pregnancy + quite often completely unexplainable. He told us not to be concerned about it - and I finally began to breathe again...
So he looks around some more - we see the "Sac" and the "yolk sac" which is all good signs... He then informs us that he cannot find a heartbeat.
I once again stop breathing.
He can only detect my heartbeat. He took some measurements of it all + said that by his measurements, he thinks that I am only about 5 weeks + 6 days along. This did not surprise me at all - Its what i thought I was from the beginning. The doctors however, work it out from the first day of your last menstrual cycle... So they had originally estimated that I was almost 8 weeks along - when i was infact, only almost 6.
Anyways the doctor/scan guy told us that just because he couldnt detect the heartbeat, didnt necessarily mean that there wasnt one, just that it was probably too faint to hear at this point.
He recommended that I get some blood tests done during the week to check that my HCG levels were rising. If they are not rising - that is a big sign of miscarriage... So I was still pretty concerned :(
So in the meantime, once back home I did some reading online etc + found that the heartbeat usually isnt detected until about 7 weeks - So I started to relax somewhat again. But man, hearing that there is no heartbeat? Scary stuff!
So next is the blood tests. The results of this blood test take 24 hours to come back. MORE waiting. So I had my first test... went back the next day - the results were 18,000. The doctor was unable to tell me if this was a good level to be at at this point, as he said all pregnancies differ greatly etc... so I still had to wait again until the results of my next blood test.
They came in at 27,000.
This is good news :) The doctor was actually surprised that it had risen that much, so I guess thats a good thing!! (I thought to myself, woo! Im breeding a mutant! hehe! Finally a sense of humour crept back...)
So wow. What a week it was... Thank GOD the results were positive. Thank you so much to those of you who did send their good vibes + thoughts our way - maybe it helped, maybe it didnt - But just knowing that there was this little support network backing us up, hoping + crossing their fingers + toes tightly + concerned right along with us... Made us feel oh so very blessed + thankful :)
Maybe it might seem as though I was overreacting... perhaps I was. But the results could have just as easily been bad... These first 3 months are always risky + perhaps I was a bit premature in announcing the news - perhaps I should have waiting until we were out of this *risk period* - who knows. But i just couldnt ;) We were both far too happy + excited to keep it to ourselves - Spread the Sunshine + all of that, right? :)
I know that when there was a bit of a question mark hanging over it all though, I really regretted having announced it so publicly... I just wanted to creep into a dark corner somewhere + hide. I wasnt sure how on earth I would deal with a bad result personally - let alone publicly... The first 2 entries written - were made private. I could feel myself withdrawing from people... But in the end I realised that if any group of people could help + support me through such a thing, it was you guys. It was quite difficult for me to make those first 2 entries public again, before knowing what was going on... I felt so vulnerable having all my excitement + happiness out there... But strangely felt better having finally put it out there... The loneliness seemed to fade somewhat :)
Well thats enough of the deep + heavies!!! Im 7 weeks + 2 days now :) Feeling GREAT! No morning sickness to speak of - aint I a lucky ducky? No more spotting + very little cramping :) Only 2 weeks till I have my first appointment with my Obstetrician - time is finally beginning to move a little faster...
Bring it ON!